


best friends forever? that's the plan.

by toffeelemon



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 2009 Phan, 2012 Phan, Aromantic Awareness Week, Asexual Awareness Week, Coming Out, Japhan, M/M, Non AU, Phan Fluff, Phan wedding, Real Life, ace!dan between the lines?, aro!phil, asexual awareness week woop, dan is literally phil trash no.1, japanese phan wedding what more do you want, manager martyn, phan angst sorta, queerplatonic phan, valentines day video reference sorry, very platonic wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:38:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8349409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeelemon/pseuds/toffeelemon
Summary: "So who would you say Dan is to you? Flatmate? Best friend? Or lover?" Dan wiggled his eyebrows in half irony, curious as to what Phil would reply.Phil was uncharacteristically serious as he stared straight into the lens."He's my everything."(or, official best friends and Youtube's power couple: Dan and Phil's platonic love story was forced to go public after their leaked wedding photos went viral.)god bless 2009 dan for the title.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Being gay and identifying under the asexual spectrum umbrella immediately signs you up for two generically relatable queer experiences: 1) falling for your best friend, and 2) dramatic conflict when two people's orientations don't line up. To celebrate Asexual Awareness Week I am determined to sugar coat both tragedies. To be fair this story is more aromantic than asexual but let's overlook that oops. This only represents my own, and not all ace spec/aro spec people's experiences. Please hug your local ace/aro (with consent of course). They need it. 
> 
> I avoid non AUs and entire retellings of Dan and Phil: The Canon Story Through The Ages (2009 - infinity) for a reason, so I'm sorry for advance. This is an entire work of fiction so, don't be mad at me Dan and Phil.
> 
> Mandatory raising asexual awareness:
> 
> Asexual is lack of sexual attraction.  
> Aromantic is lack of romantic attraction.  
> Queerplatonic relationships are a thing. textbook definition is a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship.

It was 3 am on a Wednesday night in May 2017 when Dan was startled by Martyn Lester's fifth attempt to call Phil's mobile. He was still in the lounge at this unruly hour, eyes glued to the small laptop screen as he waited for another episode of this newly discovered anime to load, when the bright light of Phil's lit up phone screen finally caught his attention in the otherwise dark room. (He would tell you it was to conserve energy, but Phil would've argued otherwise, if he hadn't already retreated to bed early, being poor and sickly). Dan would have ignored it by the normal Dan and Phil household protocol, being the irresponsible one who always slacked off at social interactions, but it _was_ 3 am and no one even called these days anymore so he reckoned it was probably important, and, most of all, worth getting out of his sofa crease for. Dan's dark eyebrows knitted more tightly together as he peered at the contact display, after prying the device out of Phil's daytime blanket cocoon, and grew more anxious at the thought that something bad could totally have happened to the Lesters.

"Hi Martyn, is everything okay?" Dan's voice was embarrassingly croaky after spending hours in the same spot, silent and not once rehydrating, but he was too worried to notice. "Oh Dan, it's you," Phil's brother sounded too urgent to remember to mask his immense disappointment, quickly recovering to focus on the task at hand. The Lesters were always like that, calm and collected no matter the situation they were in, and Martyn even more so than Phil, which Dan thought wasn't even humanly possible.

"No one's dead, but something's happened, and it concerns you too, Dan," Perhaps the older brother's tell tale sign would always be how blunt he was, especially when a touchy topic like death was mentioned. Dan gulped, his breath caught in his throat as he prepared for whatever serious news Martyn had brought them, considering that it was deemed worthy of a midnight conversation. Martyn Lester (and occasionally his girlfriend, Cornelia) was more like Dan and Phil's manager than their actual manager, so if he had a sombre announcement for Dan as well as Phil, it was probably something to do with work. As much as Dan was relieved that the Lesters were all alive and well and he wouldn't have to break any bad news to Phil and watch his bright face crumple, nonetheless he dreaded whatever Martyn had in store for them. In fact, they hadn't screwed up in ages, and as he distractedly hummed for Martyn to continue, Dan braced for the impact. Was it something he said? He couldn't recall any risqué tweets, and last night's live show was fairly uneventful. To be honest, their lives have been quite uneventful since the entire wrap up on the tour and Dan was content to keep it that way. His mind was still running wild and scrutinizing over his past actions when Martyn revealed the mystery.

"At first I thought it could be fake, but it looked rather convincing and I was freaking out a bit at the speed that it was spreading so I called to confirm. Dan, what were you guys up to in Japan?" Dan only barely contained his gasp as he froze; palm clutching the chipped edge of the coffee table unconsciously; it was slowly cutting his skin. Martyn didn't have to elaborate before Dan immediately realised what aspect of their privacy was in danger, swift to race back to his laptop and gauge the damage done with his own eyes. All his social media inboxes were flooded, and it didn't take two scrolls of his Tumblr dashboard to locate the original post that was guilty for this all, and still receiving attention by the speed of light. There they were, damned high quality photos, of him and Phil in matching black traditional Japanese attire, stepping into a limousine with a trail of over friendly Japanese people behind them, in front of a hotel with its name clearly in sight. The photos were accompanied with a detailed article about the Hotel Granvia Kyoto in Japan and the exact kind of services they offer, although it didn't take a genius to decipher what the images implied. They were in matching clothes walking into a flower-adorned fancy car and Phil was holding a bouquet of dyed roses that suspiciously looked like Pokeballs for fuck's sake. It was all Dan's fault, it was his idea to be obnoxious and dramatic as usual, thinking that Kyoto was the cherry blossom-filled hideaway where they could have their way however they wanted for once.

No one would have known. No one _should've_ known. Heck, part of the reason why Martyn was calling right now was because he wasn't informed either. Their (unofficial) manager was now slightly losing his usual stance and yelling in hushed tones about how if they had kept him in the loop this wouldn't happen, having deduced from Dan's sputtering reaction that it – what disastrous truth that lay behind the photos - was probably true. Dan would have tried to explain, but the hour of the night had finally hit him and it was too draining to have this type of conversation right now, over the phone and in his poorly lit lounge.

"Yes I know I see it now, can we talk about this when Phil's awake? I'm sorry," Unlike the Lesters, Dan had no problem projecting his emotions over the roof whenever he saw fit, especially his irritation in the middle of the night. The apology was only blurted out as an afterthought. Martyn sighed. "Yeah okay, it's too late now to do anything particularly effective anyways. I'm not letting you guys go on this one though! Wait till you hear from Cornelia about damage control, _Christ_."

He let out another long sigh yet again. Dan shifted uncomfortably at the silence, wishing this conversation to be over already, but Martyn had more to say. "Just... Dan, please be sensible. I don't want what happened five years ago to be repeated again, and I won't forgive you if you hurt Phil once more." With that he hung up, muttering about how he really needed sleep. Dan stared at the red button on the screen in awe. That was about the rudest he had ever encountered Martyn to be. Not because he had hung up, (although that rarely occurred as well), but because of how he still had the audacity to doubt Dan, who had literally married his brother. Dan might be a flighty person with commitment issues, but even him didn't pull a joke this big. He groaned in annoyance as the severity of the crisis sank in, and decide to retreat to bed for good in a split second decision.

He made a quick stop at Phil's room to plug his phone in, settling it beside his two hundred bottles of cough medicine, and Phil stirred slightly at the presence in the room. Dan simply stared for a moment, watching his pale crooked nose furrow into the too brightly coloured pillowcase, and wished he wouldn't have to ever break the news when morning (or probably afternoon) came. He had an urge to stay and crawl into bed next to Phil, when he smiled unconsciously as Dan cautiously ran the back of his palm along the sharp cheekbone, Dan needing the company more than ever as they would have to face their biggest challenge tomorrow. He just wanted to lay here forever and forget about everyone else on the planet except Phil. Despite his branding, he really didn't hate people, he'd just much rather spend all his time with Phil and Phil only. They couldn't be ripped apart by the Internet, they just couldn't. Dan decided against staying in Phil's bed in the end, knowing that it wouldn't be worth it when he caught the nasty cold and inevitably went on a fit about it.

Dan was restless, despite his brain shrieking at him to go to bed already. He stretched his left palm out, his and Phil's shared mark barely visible on the inside of his ring finger in the dim room. It was a small tattoo, simple black lines and a dot inked permanently on his skin. Cat whiskers. (Cringe-worthy branding, but Phil was getting old and insistent on mementos to reminiscence on. Dan chuckled fondly at the memory.) They had ruled out the option of a ring mutually, thinking that it would be kept under wraps longer if they were just careful enough. Although the lack of a wedding ring was a shame and something felt incomplete, Dan actually liked their tattoos better. Accessories didn't feel as eternal as the mark, and the thought of bringing a piece of Phil with him everywhere, even to his grave, was oddly comforting.

Well, it couldn't be kept a secret forever, and now Dan and Phil would have to wake up to millions of people yelling at them, both figuratively and literally, demanding an answer, their friends and families included. Unsurprisingly, they were going to enforce the same boringly obsessive theory again and again: Dan and Phil having been hopelessly in love since forever, and jerks for keeping them in the dark. Just thinking about having to explain it to masses of people, who probably wouldn't understand, was giving Dan a headache. This was exactly why they had kept it a secret from literally everyone. Yes, Dan loved Phil dearly, and vice versa, but everyone was missing the point. After eight years, he would've thought that he no longer had to prove how much he loved Phil just because other people didn't get it. Dan finally fell asleep when dawn broke.

From the start, there had not been one living person who understood Dan and Phil. First, it had been Phil's university flatmates. After living together for almost three years, most of the boys and girls had thought they knew what sort of person Phil Lester was quite confidently: he loved casual flings (both ways, mind you), and prioritised friendship way over any prospect of dating. In fact, if he weren't simply the nicest guy on earth, everyone would've come to the conclusion that he was a sex-crazed psychopath who just wasn't capable of love. Of course Phil was capable of loving; he held funerals for the flat's pet goldfishes and wrote Christmas cards to not only everyone in the flat, but also their girlfriends/boyfriends and their entire family. Caring was second nature to him.

Phil just couldn't settle down romantically like everyone else seemed to have no trouble doing, and sex basically had no correlation with caring and loving in his mind. It just felt gross and wrong; to think that just because he cared about a person very deeply he should start shagging them, and somehow it would make their relationship more worthwhile. It just didn't make sense. Phil was content with the overwhelming influx of friendship all over the Internet to substitute his love life, which he felt was overrated anyways. So when he was hastily logging onto Skype at 2 am, despite having a lecture at 8 the following morning, all because Dan was hundreds of miles away, broken and not at all fine; everyone started to notice and get suspicious, including Phil himself, who had no idea what had changed in him. Phil might be a good friend, but he certainly didn't do attachment, evident from the strange boys and girls that frequented the flat, and nothing ever lasted as long as this boy on a screen who somehow captured Phil Lester's attention for more than several months. He hadn't even had to get naked.

Phil thought he must have been going mad, he had never felt this way about anyone before. There was lust and there was friendly concern, and then, there was the intense sense of wanting Dan Howell to be well and happy. It was weird, a strong desire for something that wasn't even tangible, although the want of actually hanging out with Dan in real life came pretty close. He just suddenly couldn't bring himself to be considerate of the handful of other students in his flat anymore, when he made a mess in the kitchen and maybe crashed his own head into a cupboard because Dan was giggling through the tears again and that was all that mattered. Phil didn't understand why would he go to such lengths as to pretend to be a fool by adding salt into his coffee, but when Dan saw his pixelated, idiotic flinch moments later, his brown eyes lit up the entire universe and Phil couldn't care much about reasoning with himself any longer. He attracted a lot of friends over his slightly weird Youtube persona and Dan might just be one of them, but Phil was a good friend who cared with his soul. Of course Dan's happiness mattered. Although a tiny voice in his head reminded him that hierarchies shouldn't coexist with friendship and Phil was probably being unreasonable for putting Dan before his flatmates, with whom he had been living with for several years now, (and possibly everyone else too), Phil blamed it on how pretty the younger boy was because whenever Phil got into trouble, it was always his horny 23-year-old mind's fault.

Phil's flatmates certainly read more into it than him though, and they were probably right. Phil might get down with a lot of pretty boys and pretty girls, but when was the last time they saw him engaging in a genuine 5 hour conversation, eyes crinkling and voice soft, with any other of these attractive people? They started to gently tease him about the _Skype Boy_ , the one who finally made _Phil Lester the heartbreaker_ crack. After a while Phil's reactions were reduced to slight eye rolls, worn out by constant denials. He and Dan were just not like that, or at least he was quite certain that they weren't. Yes, Dan was insanely cute, anybody would be a blind idiot not to realise that, nonetheless Phil would yelp at the thought of having sex with he who was now his best friend. In a way, the idea almost tainted the perfection of their friendship. He was just very, very invested in this boy's well being, and despite being terrified of a vulnerable situation, Phil was willing to fall into this undefined mess. It seemed like the start of something beautiful. Heck, Dan's voice and Dan's laugh and Dan's spontaneous philosophical ponderings _were_ beautiful.

Dan hadn't even thought he was attracted to boys in any way, and hadn't planned to actually consciously think about the matter either, despite having obnoxiously proclaimed to be bisexual on the Internet for years now. To be fair, he only came to this conclusion after getting into the labyrinth of AmazingPhil's videos and finding himself unable to escape Phil's weirdly charming charisma. His obsession with Phil alone, an astounding number of one single boy, was enough to confirm his sexuality, in terms of teenage Dan's poor reasoning. When they finally started talking, actually engaging in a two-way conversation, Dan was ecstatic and _okay_ ; maybe even more obsessed than before. Dan's looming sexuality crisis was suddenly so real and concrete as he found himself turning to Phil at the first instance, whether it was happy or sad news. Dan wasn't experienced enough to distinguish love, but his last girlfriend had only caused him pain whereas Phil was his source of sunshine, so he guessed they simply couldn't be the same thing. Dan probably only felt in love because he had no other friends and Phil seemed like the best option. Nonetheless, it was amazing to be his Internet idol's actual best friend (no pun intended). For the first time in a very long time, he had been genuinely happy, and determined to keep it that way, confusing feelings be damned.

And then there were the few months that they never talked about ever again. Phil, having been driven on edge by the constant teasing and reminders from friends and family that he really should stop going rogue and find a stable date, came to the conclusion that he must be in love with Dan. That was the only explanation. If Dan was the first person who always came to mind whenever Phil saw something exciting to share with someone, whenever Phil was feeling dejected, whenever and wherever; they must have been meant to be. That was the only possible outcome. Phil wanted Dan so, _so_ much, and it had long surpassed the superficial lust that he was accustomed to; if he wasn't with Dan, all he did was long to be with Dan.

There was a brief dating phase, where everything was supposed to be new and exciting, but only out of place and awkward to them. Phil didn't know what he was doing, which he didn't like seeing as he was the older one of the two, and Dan was still struggling with his sexuality, despite beaming out of reflex whenever he saw Phil's handsome face. Was this what they always dramatically over advertised in Hollywood? It was a mess, but a fun mess nonetheless. Anything was fun when Dan and Phil did it together, even though Dan much preferred cuddling and playing video games to fussing over all the stereotypical couple things that they ought to do. Dan was content with staying in bed with his head resting on Phil's back, listening to the steady beat and knowing that _yes_ , Phil was here with him, and happiness was real.

There was a time that Phil thought he'd finally figured:  _yes, this is love_ , because he couldn't fathom a world without Dan in it, and they even celebrated Valentine's together, a first for Phil Lester. But when Phil kissed Dan and the standard _Phil Lester in the bedroom_ happened, everything went downhill.  Funnily enough, it was Phil who burst into tears first, instead of the supposedly straight Dan, and they spent the night sobbing and clinging to each other, thinking that they'd ruined it, the best thing that had ever happened to them -  each other. Because of a stupid experimental phase that everyone in the universe had forced them into. Phil loved Dan so, so much and this just wasn't something he would do to the person he loved the most. It almost seemed... degrading, in a way. Everything and anything Dan and Phil did together felt right, but this really didn't, and the thought of not being able to reverse this mistake was terrifying.

But Dan and Phil would always work out, and after spending half a day in bed doing nothing but pouring their hearts out to each other, they decided that everyone else in the world was simply wrong and romance definitely wasn't something better than friendship. They were just two different things and, for Dan and Phil, they would remain best friends, and they would remain best friends forever happily. They would do it in spite of everyone else who tried to prove otherwise. They didn't need anything "more than a friendship", because there really wasn't anything more to it. They were on top of the world and adamant to be not taken down easily. Phil's palm was cold against Dan's, and he was instantly reminded of how alive they were, together in the same time and universe, and Dan silently thanked the stars.

They continued their slightly flirty, undefined dynamic happily for the days to come, and although moving in with each other felt weirdly intimate and more than what best friends do, none of them uttered a word. Dan finally got first hand experience of just how big of a fan Phil was of purely platonic physical contact, and enjoyed it silently every single day, although not without the guilt and pressure from his fragile heterosexuality eating away at his panicked mind. Phil was glad Dan had mistaken it to be a common occurrence, when in fact, being tactile was not a friendly gesture in his daily life at all and Phil felt like a criminal for crossing the very clear line between the two groups of people in his life that he had always so carefully categorised -  his one-night-stands and his solely platonic friends - but decided to keep it to himself. It wasn't like he would jump Dan ever again; innocent cuddling was just another way to show how much he cared and as they had previously tested out, they weren't dating material. Being close to Dan just brought Phil calmness and he couldn't bring himself to overthink it, when it made his life so much better. He wanted to be with Dan everyday, and bit by bit, it seemed to come true. Constantly reminding himself of it was the least Phil could do to know not to take it for granted.

However, without his noticing, Phil slowly grew out of the habit of his wild conquers in the bedroom, and somehow Dan, who was always the hopelessly romantic one who obsessed over the need to prove his heterosexuality, surprisingly didn't find anyone new in his life. Dan just didn't dare put their friendship in jeopardy like that, over the unlikely possibility of meeting someone maybe semi-decent. He had always thought that Phil's importance in his heart would die away, as soon as he had built a healthy social circle within the Youtube community, but that wasn't the case. Now that he had friends, he only discovered himself to love Phil even more, to distinguish Phil's special place from the rest. The boy would rather die than ponder what exactly that place in his heart was, and what meaning it held, but nonetheless, Phil Lester was very important to him and that's all that mattered. Love had always been a burden to him but loving Phil was as easy as breathing. Phil _was_ his best friend, after all.

Their little bubble of intense friendship stayed intact for years in eerie peace, but miracles barely occur, and when they do, they never last long. When they moved to London, their bubble finally burst and Phil's tears spilled all over the place. In hindsight it was quite reasonable for Martyn Lester to still doubt Dan up to this day, despite him being legally married to Phil now, because Dan had really broken Phil's heart. Somehow, what was meant to be private and never spoken about again from their dark dating age had seen the light of the Internet, and everything went downhill from here. Dan's wavering sexuality was the first casualty. Offensive defence being Dan's best coping mechanism to any spontaneous disaster, he was quick to fire off futile excuses and silly tactics to reaffirm again and again that _Phan_ was just a joke, and his heterosexuality was still pretty much intact. Phil (with the help of his brother, merchandiser and unofficial manager) was the one who actually fixed it swiftly and practically. He tirelessly shut down account upon account, wrote countless emails and dealt with a mountain of paperwork on intellectual property and copyrights when Dan the law school dropout should really at least have been trying to help, but Phil guessed that he was too busy going on a Tumblr rampage as usual and digging himself a deeper grave.

Phil really wanted to save what they had, he really did, but at the time it had seemed beyond saving, when Dan wasn't even trying anymore, and they were no longer fighting side by side against the world, which was always so quick to scrutinise their every action. Phil loved Dan, so much, but couldn't help but feel rather rejected. _Phan_ was a joke? Did Dan think whatever relationship they had, whatever undefined limbo they had between friendship and something different, was not serious at all? Was it really _that_ offensive to be associated with him romantically? Sure, Dan and Phil weren't what everyone else thought they were, but did it really matter? If Dan really loved him, surely he wouldn't always act so ashamed and feel the constant need to hide it away as much as possible. For someone who always claimed to have never been emotionally attached to anyone outside family, Phil certainly wasn't taking it well. Phil cried oceans and seas, drowning himself in his own misery and hoping that one day, if he cried just enough, his tears would be able to stop the raging fire in the room next door.

No one ever had his heart like Dan Howell did.

Eventually they ploughed through it, like Dan and Phil always do. As Dan grew more into adult life and more comfortable with his own sexuality, he finally realised that finding boys attractive had no correlation with his friendship with Phil, after all these confusing years. He didn't need to explain his attachment to Phil with sexual attraction, and that wasn't an insult to Phil at all, despite what the general consensus would say. Anyone who didn't see that Phil Lester was actually one of the most exquisite creatures on earth was an idiot anyways. (Dan was fairly certain that it wasn't just his biased opinion, but those of multitudes of fan girls online too, despite often claiming that they're "gayer than ever", much to Dan's amusement.) Dan would've fallen in love with Phil anyways, whether he was straight or gay or bi or pan or ace, because why wouldn't he, because _who_ wouldn't.

Romance or not, Dan and Phil were soul mates. They knew it was rarely heard of and they knew it would be difficult, but Dan and Phil were determined to be together in their own (im)perfect way, to be best friends who sometimes cuddled and held hands and other times, built an entire entertainment empire. As Phil glanced over at Dan on the night of their last stage show in actual Hollywood, through the shimmering sea of confetti and the roars of the audience below, it finally became clear. He didn't need constant one-night stands or a romantic lover to be happy; all he needed (and all he _would_ ever need) was Dan. Dan, the boy who was so obsessed with him that he had literally chased him all the way to Manchester, the boy who always listened to his stupid jokes and insisted that he was genuinely brilliant, the boy who was his best friend, whom he achieved all his dreams with, the only way it could be done - together.

Dan, the boy who loved him the most. Phil could say within a heartbeat that he loved Dan the most too.

That night they were very drunk and bubbly on the tour bus, Phil nearly strangling Dan as he held him close and chanted "I love you" in a dumb geese voice, over and over again. No one would've ever guessed that the boy whom Phil had been so determined to fix and put back into pieces would now bring Phil on adventures that he couldn't even have dreamt of. Dan only giggled, saying it back as he half sang it into the pillows. Dan loved Phil and Phil loved Dan and here they were, living their lives, travelling across the USA in a tour bus that Kanye West used.

This was it. Dan Howell, _Phil Lester the heartbreaker_ 's ultimate endgame, and they weren't even actually dating. Phil had always prioritised friendships over the cheesy romance that he had never gotten a taste of. When he encountered Dan, the best one that he'll ever have, he was scared. Everyday he anticipated a dashing boy (or god forbid, a girl)  sweeping his best friend off his feet and stealing him away, because everyone always said that a romance was better than friendship. Safe to say, that day would never come if Phil had anything to say about it, as Phil glanced at a koala-like Dan snoring in his arms, grinning to himself like a maniac. It took a lot to convince Phil that he was good enough for Dan, that he was good enough for anyone, but Dan had finally drilled it into his stupid best friend's head. Phil wasn't just _enough_ for Dan, he was _more_ than anything else he had bargained for. It would be an honour to stick with Phil for the rest of his life (and maybe in their robot afterlife they would be together too).

The wedding was the weirdest idea yet, but Dan and Phil _had_ make a pact to spite all the overrated romantic relationships on the planet, so naturally they had to go to their favourite country of all time – Japan.  Surprisingly, it was Dan who came up with the suggestion, despite having been labels-phobic for a very long time. He had shyly admitted that all the "adult thoughts" were starting to hit him now, of getting a dog and a house, and even, if they dared,to raise a family together; and it was just easier legally. ( _Damn the legal system and their romantic agenda!_ Dan proclaimed. Phil cracked up and reminded Dan that it was 1 _am and neighbours do exist_ , as he started researching hotels and amusement parks destinations.)

Kyoto was ethereal. Phil couldn't stop smiling the entire day at the sight of Dan, in his black Japanese tuxedo that matched his freshly painted matt black nails, living his childhood dream of getting married in front of cherry blossoms, and also dressed very black. Dan was initially nervous but broke out of the trance once he saw the Pokeball roses. _God_ , he was so fond of this silly man he could die. When the ceremony ended, they had the longest hug ever that would probably add another Guinness World Record into Phil's repertoire, and also had the most luxurious dinner of all time (with a lot of cute desserts that made Dan squeal), although the hotel staff did wonder why the two grooms were the only guests to attend their own wedding. The hairspray they used on Dan smelled so warm and nice and _Dan_ that Phil just couldn't stop running his fingers through it, when they were sprawled on the massive hotel bed watching bizarre Japanese TV shows hours later.

Of course, true to his word, Dan signed the actual papers with Phil when they returned to England, and although the cat whiskers tattoos were painful to get, it was all worth it. It was strangely satisfying as they stacked up piles and piles of boring papers of updated insurances and tenants. Phil Lester the heartbreaker, who had been unable to love, who had always thought himself unworthy of the sentiment, was able to give the boy he loved the most _everything_ , even a fake wedding in Japan. (Frankly with all their tour and book income the expense was nothing at all, but the memory of it was way more significant than a number on a cheque.)

Phil woke up to store-bought pancakes, although Dan did try hard to make them look like a sincere homemade effort, almost setting the microwave on fire in the process. It was obvious that Dan hadn't slept at all, but his eyes were bright and aware, so it didn't take Phil much to immediately sit upright to assess what trouble Dan had gotten himself into again. Dan only wordlessly waved a phone in Phil's face, letting him read all that had been exposed on the Internet. It had been eight years, and seriously, by now Dan was just exhausted of being scared and in the dark. He collapsed into Phil's lap, staring up at his pensive face like a lost puppy. After a few minutes, Phil's hand was running through Dan's curls, soothing him. "We'll be fine, we always work it out."

Dan smiled back, now slightly more reassured, before falling asleep at the gentle touch. "Oh and you might want to call Martyn back," he mumbled.

There was no hiding anymore, and Dan and Phil no longer had to be terrified of what was to come, once everything was out in the open and all was done and dusted. After being yelled at about _PUBLIC IMAGE_ and _DAMAGE CONTROL_ and _GOD DAMN IT PHIL LESTER DID YOU GET MARRIED WITHOUT TELLING MOM AND DAD_ , Dan and Phil (and Martyn and Cornelia) sat at the coffee table with Phil's giant flipchart paper, ready to put this giant mess back in place. In the end, they decided to make a video, after scribbling a giant spider diagram with a sharpie. Of course it was the only way they should, and would, be honest; everything else was left in the world's hands. They could only hope that everyone would understand. Everyone in Dan and Phil's life were still trying, but as long as Dan and Phil were together and happy, it didn't really matter how. PJ started crying when he heard about the roses, and said little else except for muttering, "Dan Howell you lucky dude," for the next five minutes of the phone call.

The footage was nearly an hour long; with Dan rambling almost off topic about sexuality and romantic orientations and the pressure to be in a relationship, but all Phil could think about was how insanely fortunate he was to have Dan here by his side, even after everything that had happened, and also how he would _really_ like to hold hands more than anything else at this moment.

"So Phil, if you had to pick a label, would it be aro? Aromantic?" Dan looked slightly exasperated upon seeing how spaced out his husband was, staring at him as a prompt to reply. Phil, tempted to see Dan agitated, played along as the fool.

"Arrow? Oh, I don't know, all I know is that you've put an arrow through my heart!" Phil glanced at him with a cheekily proud expression, obviously very pleased with himself and his bad puns as usual. Dan rolled his eyes visibly, although breaking out of character soon to cackle and naturally fall into Phil's space as he muttered fondly, "Oh, Phil Lester, you cheeky little shit."

They goofed around for another ten minutes, which would probably become bloopers in the end, because Dan really didn't want their poor fans' hearts to combust. They would have enough to process. At least for now. (Weirdly enough, they actually vlogged their entire wedding in Kyoto, initially just for Phil's old person obsession of keeping mementos, but Dan couldn't help but see it as a career boost now, and just to troll his dear fans on the Internet, because why not.)

They concluded with a simple, to the point Q&A, hopefully to clarify everything as much as possible, with questions from their friends and family. "This last one's from Louise," Dan smirked casually out of camera habit as he recited. "So who would you say Dan is to you? Flatmate? Best friend? Or lover?" Dan wiggled his eyebrows in half irony, curious as to what Phil would reply. Phil was uncharacteristically serious as he stared straight into the lens.

"He's my _everything_."

Dan was close to tearing up as he tackled Phil onto the bed, both awkwardly tangled a second later, but neither letting go. Phil giggled as he brushed Dan's tears away. " I didn't realise we were re-enacting Phil is not on fire," he chastised as they struggled to sit up without leaving each other's embrace.

"Philip Michael Lester, it's always the most fun I've ever had whenever I'm with you, and I get to be with you forever now."

**Author's Note:**

> some credz so I don't feel guilty or attract drama:
> 
> manager Martyn is inspired by faking it/what a fucking mess (amazingphilia.tumblr.com)  
> thanks @maddox_rider for the Pokeball roses inspiration her art's the best  
> honorary mention of hunterfics he writes the best aro!phil ever  
> I got the Japanese buddhist gay weddings from Ellen Page's show Gaycation (and also japhan is always close to my heart)  
> the not-too-terrible grammar and spelling is brought to you by whatisair


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